so wrong it's right
by falling winter roses
Summary: the story of sierra black and finding herself between / muggle!au


** topic/218720/177214533/1/Season-7-Game-Day-Round-6**

**a/n: it's pride month and sirius is here :D this is a muggle!au.**

**.**

_**chaser 1, qlfc forum, puddlemere united**_

_**season seven, round six**_

_**main prompt:**_

_**Cross Dressing.**_ **Write about someone dressing as another gender.**

_**optional prompts:**_

**1\. (word) uncomfortable**

**7\. (emotion) disappointment**

**11\. (word) monster**

**word count: 1789**

**.**

Sierra Black _certainly_ hadn't had the most amazing (or accepting) childhood. But standing on the side of that massive flag, fingers grasping light blue fabric, surrounded by love, surrounded by light, that past?

That past doesn't matter at all.

* * *

The date on the newspaper read _July 28th, 1967._

_Royal Assent Given for Homosexuals, _Sirius Black read over his father's shoulder as he sipped orange juice from a glass cup.

"What's homosexual?" Sirius asked, curiously eyeing the word on the paper as if it was some sort of magical stone.

"Homosexuals? More like _abominations,"_ Orion growled, throwing the newspaper at the coffee table, where it slid a few inches before stopping. The bold black letters of the now upside-down headline stared at Sirius.

"Abomination?"

"I can't believe the Queen would accept this," Orion muttered, rubbing at his left eye with one hand. "Hmph. At least _some_ countries have the common sense to not let this new 'movement' for rights to take hold."

"What's homosexual?" Sirius tried again. He was used to not having his questions answered until he'd been asking for quite some time, unless he caught his father in a good moment.

Orion, as usual, didn't seem to hear him and stood up with a groan. "Need to go get those papers done for Carrow…" he muttered as he started up the stairs to his office.

Sirius stared after him for a moment before heading to the television room, where his mother was watching a romantic comedy. She had a decorated wine glass in her hand and sipped from it occasionally.

"Mother?"

"Yes, Sirius?" she replied, not looking away from the screen.

"What's homosexual?"

Walburga finally looked away from her screen, brows furrowed in slight confusion.

"Er… why are you asking that, honey?"

"Um… it was in the newspaper… Father said it was an 'abomination.'"

"Right he is," Walburga sighed. "What happened now with those _monsters?"_

"Monsters?"

"Well, I suppose some of them are simply confused. This new progressive world is too much, _honestly._"

"But… what's homosexual?"

"Homosexual is the word describing when a male is… well, _with_ another male sexually, or when a female is sexually with another female," Sirius' mother explained. "And it's disgusting. Not at all the way nature intended things to be. A family is a man and a woman. Those… _monsters_ are disgusting."

"Oh."

And here Sirius had thought they were murderers or something…

After a few moments, his mother turned back to the television and Sirius headed up to his room to look up the definition of 'abomination.'

* * *

An eight year old Sirius Black looked after his mother as she disappeared into the women's boutique. His eyes lit up as his eyes settled on a simple scarlet gown, and he paused, trailing behind his father and Regulus.

"Sirius, come along now. We're going to go get cookies for you and Regu—" Sirius' father focused on what Sirius was looking at and frowned. "What is it?"

Sirius shook his head. "N-nothing."

* * *

Nine year old Sirius Black poked his head into the living room. His family was gathered around the radio, his father in his black leather armchair and his mother and Regulus lounging on the sofa.

"_Three police officers wounded last night at the gay bar of Stonewall in New York City…"_

"Police department had the right idea," Walburga snorted. "Too bad the Americans are too stupid and slow to enforce it properly."

"_Last night, the gay bar of Stonewall became the site of rioting for rights of the homosexual, bisexual, and transsexual community. Reporters say that…"_

"Absolutely disgusting," Orion Black commented. "They should kill the abominations where they stand."

"What's homosexual?" seven year old Regulus queried.

Sirius winced and turned back up the stairs to his room.

* * *

Ten year old Sirius snuck up to his parents' bedroom. His parents had gone to a party (to keep up _appearances,_ of course) and Regulus was out with friends.

He was all alone.

He took a deep breath before entering the bedroom. He looked about the massive bedroom, terrified that someone might catch him, even though he knew that Regulus was due home in two hours and his parents wouldn't return until long after.

Or perhaps Kreacher, their devoted butler, might be lurking around somewhere…

Sirius sighed. "Stop it, Sirius," he told himself before walking to the closet. He could feel his heart beating against his ribs and the cold sweat beading up upon his forehead.

_Why am I so nervous?_ he wondered.

"This is going to make everything better," Sirius said out loud. "And then you'll never do this again."

He went through the lavish bathroom, opened the door to his mother's walk-in closet, and gasped.

Inside was a treasure trove of gorgeous dresses, both formal and not. There were skirts and blouses and gowns and necklaces, and Sirius was at a loss for words.

He'd never felt too comfortable in the khakis, button-ups, and blazers that he was expected to wear as the eldest son in a rich, upper-class family. No, instead he'd been drawn to that gorgeous, extravagant scarlet gown he'd seen in a women's boutique two long years ago.

He didn't know how long it had been since he started flinching every time his name was called in class. Since he'd been too ashamed of his feelings to look himself in the eye.

Two long years where he'd felt like a trespasser in his own body, uncomfortable beyond words.

Or was his _body_ the trespasser? The possessor of his mind?

Sirius was ten years old and he didn't know anything except for the fact that he wanted to wear a dress.

He touched one, his small, childish fingers dancing through the soft sheer fabric. He couldn't help but smile.

He knew it was wrong. He knew that doing this was being a freak, a 'transvestite' according to his parents and the dictionary on his bookshelf.

He put it on anyway.

And looking at himself in the body-length mirror attached to one wall, for the first time in a long, long while, he felt _right._

* * *

Sirius headed to boarding school on September 1st. His family was rich and could afford to send him to the most prestigious school in the area. (Though the boarding school had a yearly scholarship program for special students to get into the prestigious program, and Sirius' parents had told him to strictly not interact with those students, and only to speak with those students with generations of history in the program.) Both his parents had attended the school, and so would Regulus.

Sirius was eleven years old now, almost twelve (he would turn so in November) and was rather rebellious against his parents.

This boarding school separated students according to their values into four different houses to encourage competition and activity in the classroom. Each of these 'houses' had their own dormitories, social groups, lunch tables, sports clubs, and more. Sirius' family had a reputation for being a part of Slytherin house.

And Sirius didn't want to be a part of that house whatsoever.

The rebellious tween had grown since that day when he'd first explored dressing in his mother's clothing. And it had felt so intoxicating, so _amazing,_ to feel the fabric swishing between his legs, the cool gems upon his collarbone, the clicking of the heels against the cool marble floor of the attached bathroom.

He'd grown out his hair, which was utterly against the belief of Sirius' father that long hair was for females. And perhaps that was why.

But at Hogwarts, at this boarding school, Sirius still wouldn't be able to be who he should be. He was registered as male, those in his family knew him to be male, and Sirius would never be able to tell his family. That was the fact of it. It made him want to break down every time his parents commented on the radio reports with their hateful words. Every time he came into a room where his parents were throwing around their _terms_ like it was nothing, it tore the warmth from his body and made him feel cold as ice.

Because that was him. That was _him._

And he could almost feel that disappointment from them. Bloody hell, he felt it himself. _At_ himself. Because it was wrong, wasn't it? He was a _freak_.

But he would be getting away from that for almost a year. Most of the next seven long years, he would be gone at a boarding school. And after that? After that… he didn't know. That seemed like a million years away.

He boarded the train to the boarding school, which was rather far away from London, where most of the school's students lived. He waved goodbye to his parents, smiling, pulling his luggage aboard.

It felt surreal.

On that first train ride, he met the friends that would stay with him for forever. James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.

Those three made him happier than he'd been in a while. And they, too, wanted to be in Gryffindor, the rival house of Slytherin, which was the Blacks' historic house.

They ended up in the same year, the same dormitory, and for those first few years Sirius felt utterly safe.

* * *

At Hogwarts Sirius had much more freedom than he'd had at home. He learned glamours secretly in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, and starting third year, which was the same year that Regulus came to school (and was, of course, sorted into Slytherin, the little perfect prat) he was allowed to go on outings to Hogsmeade. Often he would hide his own face under a girl's features and buy clothing with his small allowance. _Women's_ clothing. And when the rest of the Marauders, as they came to call themselves, were gone, Sirius would hide himself behind his four-poster bed curtains and dress himself as a woman.

The summers, though, were certainly not wonderful. Sirius' family became progressively more hateful towards him for being tolerant towards the 'filthy' lower classes and other races that often described his best friends.

Sirius left home at 16. James' parents welcomed him with open arms.

Afterwards, Sirius finally confided to his best friend. He was terrified that James would snort at him, laugh at him, hate him, but James simply held him as Sirius cried.

Sirius fell in love with his other best friend, Remus. And it was after Sirius told him the truth, too, that they kissed for the first time.

Sirius found himself around the time he became of age. Or, rather, she found herself through the name Sierra, which he had started using a few months earlier.

And years later he stood at the celebration, smiling, surrounded by the present, unburdened by the past.


End file.
